“So many things are possible, just as long as you don’t know Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,hey are impossible.”
–Philippians 3:13
Paul gives the directive to forget the past. We need to look forward to the future. Which is true.
Sometimes our past is the key to our future. We need to look back for one reason. I’ll explain the reason later in this post.
On July 14, 1985, I left behind my past. A difficult past. My future was bright. After I got off of the bus in Ohio, it was as though a large black-out curtain had been drawn across my childhood. A few bad memories have escaped. For the past 37 years, I have wondered what my life was before we left.
My mom NEVER talked about my childhood with me. I didn’t know how to approach her with my inquiries. Photos of that were time were few and far between. They were hidden in plain sight but never looked at. Fearful that she would say no, I snuck looking at the photos. I wanted to know who I was before moving to Ohio.
There are lessons to learn from your past. Even if it was traumatic, you can still use those lessons of perseverance. Maybe they won’t only help you but they will help other people. It’s a reminder that nothing lasts forever and that you’ve grown stronger as a person.
Not having those memories makes it hard to learn from your past. The memories I was left with are of my father hiring me and a few scattered puzzle piece memories. Imagine a jigsaw puzzle with pieces that have been easily lost. That’s what happened to my memories.
A spooky door, a hill to climb, and a penny store are a few of those pieces. Light switches on the outside, cigarettes, and screaming are the ones I wish I could scatter.
On October 12, 2019, my life changed once again. I was left orphaned as an adult. Father died in 1996 even though we had left him in 1985. My sister died in 2016. Now my mom was gone.
It was at that moment, I needed to pick up the jigsaw memories and continue with my life. Two weeks before she died, God spoke to me and said, “It’s time to tell your story.” I balked at him. Then I wrote my unpublished book but still kept it quiet. “No one needs to hear my story,” I kept saying to myself. Last week, I made little videos telling my story. God smiled at me because I listened to him. It’s up to me to decide what to do with those videos.
Then 2 days later, a classmate of mine from the school I attended right before we moved contacted me. I couldn’t believe the fact that she remembered me from 37 years ago.
A few questions of mine were answered. Then she gave me the biggest gift, I was told I have the same warm smile and how I tutored her. You see I was destined to be a teacher even back then. I was NOT forgotten when we up and left that den of despair. The pieces are falling back into place. My shoulders don’t feel so heavy.
I’m not wanting to live in the past. I’m desiring the lessons my past can teach me as I continue to discover God’s purpose for my life.
Stay kind!
Believe in the Magic Traci Diary 