Tag Archives: family

Dear Mom (My Letter To Her)

Dear Mom,

      This is the hardest letter I’ve had to write because today I’m saying good-bye to my mom.

      During the last 3 years, you have been my shopping buddy. We have gone on many adventures from visiting Berea, Ky to Jungle Jim’s to the Golden Lamb to our most recent adventure to Concord’s 200th anniversary celebration. We discovered that marshmallow coke is essential for road trips.

      In 2001 and 2002, Tanya, you, and I went on mother-daughter trips to Hershey, PA. So many memories were made on that trip from seeing the Backstreet Boys to my creation of your 50 boyfriends which by now exceeds 200. Each boyfriend was from a different state. Do you remember that we actually found one at a random rest stop who actually looked like our description? In the last 3 years, I would constantly point out random guys and tell you that’s your boyfriend. I even got Molly doing that also. You would just shake your head whenever I started that mess.

      One memory that has stuck out is when you took Tanya and I to Disney in 1990. I convinced you that the Big Thunder Railroad was a simulated roller coaster. We ended up in the front row. The look you gave me showed me how you were not happy with me. Oops. I was only 15.

      I have so memories from the years Tanya, and I were in Rainbow. Lots of Monday evenings and Thursday evenings were spent at either the Brookville or Dayton Masonic Temple. Thank you for making sure I was ready for those meetings, Installations, and Grand Assemblies. Do you remember the long “sobriety” line when George Bush, Sr. came to the Brookville Picnic during my Worthy Advisor term? So funny.

      All those trips to play Putt Putt mini golf and downtown Dayton – I will cherish those memories. All the times we went to the Salem Mall – My favorite part was getting the pretzel sticks with cream cheese. I still eat them that way. Although Nick says they are better with chocolate. LOL!

      I’m thankful for the 2 pieces of advice that you gave me when I was in my early 20’s. Both of those pieces of advice defined who I am as a person and changed my life path.

      In 1995, you told me that I needed to apply for the Disney College Program. I’m so grateful for that advice. It was the best experience of my life. I learned how to be independent and how to live on my own. I made memories that have lasted a lifetime. Plus, I made friends that are lifelong friends. One of which is now my chosen sister, Molly.

      The other advice is that I should become a special educator. This advice I didn’t follow at first. However, I was hired as an L.D. tutor when I got my first big girl job. Now I am in my 20th year of teaching special education in that same district. You constantly reminded me how much of a difference I have made in some of my students. You knew best. Thank you for the advice.

      I’m going to miss your constant telling me about the mail and how full your dumpster is currently. I’m going to miss calling you on Saturday mornings to say be ready at 10 am so that we could go to Aldi, Fresh Thyme, or Trader Joe’s. I’ll miss you telling me to buy canned peaches or bananas. I’m going to miss sitting behind you at church.

      Mom, we never were really close. However, in your own ways you let me know that your loved me. Seeing the smile on your face when I took you on another adventure. Finding all the photos you kept of me and the boys. You showed your love in quiet ways.

      Goodbye sweet mom. Your journey through life is complete. Rest up and watch over me and the boys.

Love your fiercely independent daughter,

Traci

The Worse Morning Ever

Last Saturday morning was probably the worse morning ever.

I did my usual routine of calling my mom. Usually I call her once or twice and then she would call me back. On that morning, I called her number 12 times. 12 times!

So I drove over to her apartment. Mail had piled up which was unusual.

I grabbed her mail and walked into her apartment which was unlocked.

I dropped the mail on her dresser in the living room and yelled her name.

As I turned the corner, I saw her lifeless body.

I immediately called 9-1-1 as I cried and screamed.

After I got off of talking to 9-1-1, I called Hubby who rushed over.

The police came and entered the apartment. They immediately walked out of the apartment and told me that she was deceased.

As they were doing all the legal stuff, I answered their questions and then began calling my aunt, best friend, and the funeral home. I began writing messages to let family know that she had died.

It got so overwhelming that I just did a Facebook status while the police officer talked to me.

I don’t know how many steps I took as I paced the apartment complex.

Random dudes came up to me and asked me what had happened. Neighbors came up to me and asked me what had happened to her.

It was very overwhelming. I was trying to hold it together and not cry.

Finally they told me that I could leave. I wanted to leave before the funeral home came and got her.

I attempted to do normal stuff like grocery shop and clean the house during the rest of the day.

All the while, I was trying to hold it together and not cry. Headaches and tiredness filled my soul during the day.

The house got picked up mostly. I fixed dinner. The Oldest got to Homecoming so I call that a successful day even with having the worse morning ever.

Have a magical day,
Traci

Please Remember to Say I LOVE You

I’ve got to finish my in memory of my mom posts but that will have to wait.

Today, Hubby told me to write for me not necessarily for an audience.

So I am going to talk about some of the feelings I have been feeling during these last few days. Maybe if I get it off my chest I’ll feel better.

Everyone has seen how much closer Mom and I have gotten since Tanya died. However, it was because I showed her mercy during her final years of her life. I showed her what it was like to have a joyful life. Not a perfect life but a life that discovered joy in finding adventures whether it be going to the sunflower field and then a local orchard or driving around random routes. Or just finding her one of my many imaginary boyfriends.

What people don’t realize is that she and I had a strained relationship. I knew that she loved me. She showed her love in quiet unassuming ways. However, I NEVER got to hear her tell me that she loved me.

I know she was proud of me and the boys but she NEVER told me that she was proud of me.

Sometimes we need that reassurance. We need our parents to tell us how proud and how much we love them.

Now that I’m a mother, I make sure I tell my sons how much they mean to me. The Oldest is more receptive to it. We tell each other several times a day “I love you.” One time he got off the phone and realized he hadn’t said it so he called me right back to tell me that he loved me.

The Youngest is going through the I’m a teenager please don’t say that you love me because I might not respond. Which is okay because I will still tell him that.

Now that my mom is gone, I can let my truths out. I’ve kept quiet about some of how I felt over the years out of respect to her. Now it’s time to be like dandelion seed and fly free.

Have a magical day,
Traci

In Memory of My Mom

Mom was born on December 15, 1948 to my grandparents. Well, duh! Of course her parents were my grandparents. Okay, continuing on.

Not only did she live in Morgan Place with her brother, Bob, her sister, Missy, and my grandparents, Norma and Dale, her cousins and her grandma all lived on the same street.

Mom told me a lot of stories. I listened to them over and over again. In my grief strickened mind, some of what she has told has gone away. It’ll show back up later.

Someone didn’t like their parents cooking so they would go beg their grandma to feed them. I don’t remember if it was her or her cousins or both.

When she was 7, she was hit by a school bus. School should not have been happening that day because of icy conditions. However, Randolph Township decided to still have school. Her bus driver did not realize she had fallen and hit her with the front tire. Rather then wait for medics to come, he decided that was going take her over to cousins’ house.

She ended up in traction for 6 or so weeks. Bob couldn’t visit her because he had the chicken pox. One of her teachers came and tutored her so that she would not fail and be in the same grade as her brother.

When she was in 8th grade, her Girl Scout troop took a trip to Washington, D.C. They got to see JFK’s pony or something like that when they visited the White House. They also had to pay to use the public restrooms.

Her dad owned Morgan something or another. (I wanted to say it was called Morgan Place but that doesn’t seem right.) They used to make moron burgers the size of a pie plate and homemade ice cream. After a year of owning it, he sold it or something like that.

In the meantime, she went off to college down in Buchannon, West Virginia. Even though she went for only 2 years to West Virginia Wesleyan, she would talk about it ALL the time.

While at college, she met my father. When asked how they met, she didn’t remember just that they met.

At some point, she worked at Burgin’s Pizza. She used to get Puffcorn, her favorite snacky food, and pop and go play cards with her grandma who would cheat. At least I think that is what she told me.

In 1971, she married my father in Pennsylvania. After their marriage, she moved to Eastern PA.

I’m going to leave off there for right now.

Have a magical day,
Traci

Where are they?

Before the boys were born, I went white water rafting twice. Both times, we camped out with the Scouts Venturing post.

Imagine a camping site located in a valley.

Then there was a torrential rainstorm.

So what do you think happened?

The water pooled into my tent.

Oh, I forgot to give you one piece of key information. One of our friends and my father-in-law had traveled with us down to West Virginia.

So the water was pooling in my tent. Hubby, our friend, and my father-in-law were no where to be found. Cell phones were not as popular as they are now plus there would be no service.

I was freaking out and getting wetter.

One of the other people camping out with us had a camping trailer with them. So they invited me in the trailer so I wouldn’t get sick.

Finally they show back up.

They had been driving around looking for a hotel/ motel for me. A hamvention type of event was going on in the area so there was limited hotel/ motel rooms available. Or should I say, they found only one room.

It was a honeymoon type of room. There was one bed and a whirlpool tub. All 4 of us were sharing this room.

Hubby and I shared the bed. My father-in-law got the couch in the room. Our friend got the floor. The whirlpool tub was not used. 😥

The few photos I have of this camping trip.

There was video made of the trip. They included this song by Green Day. Whenever I hear this song, I am reminded of this camping trip.

Have a magical day,
Traci

Beginning of the School Year Photos (7th and 9th grade)

Every year, I love to take photos of the boys on or near the first day of school.  I took some before they headed out on their first day.  Then 2 days later, we took the official photos.  I love seeing how much they have grown in a year.   Continue reading Beginning of the School Year Photos (7th and 9th grade)