Whenever I backed up my car, I would have to make sure I did not run over a feral cat. Continue reading Be Careful Of Those Cats
It’s been FOREVER since I last wrote to you. Can you believe it’s almost a year since you gained your Heavenly body? Okay, I don’t know if you actually have a body but I think you know what I’m talking about. At least I hope you do.
I’m typing this on your laptop. Actually I think it was Mom’s but whatever. Hubby finally found a cord that would work with this laptop. We sent it over to Dave to figure out the password. You put a hint for the password but we still could not figure it out. Dave finally fixed it and then upgraded the laptop. Mom gave it to me because she knew Hubby and I will sometimes fight for the computer. She wanted me to have something that was mine.
I’m heading to Pittsburgh Labor Day Weekend to celebrate your 40th birthday. I know you probably rolled your eyes when I went on the Disney Cruise on my 40th. Well, I wanted to go somewhere to celebrate your birthday. After much thought, I decided Pittsburgh would be a good idea because we traveled there several times. Many memories were created there. Like me pretending like I was going to jump off the overlook after Grandma B.’s funeral or listening to Grandma B. complaining about the fact people were not at church while we were at the Pancake House. I plan to visit Phipps Conservatory on your birthday. Do you remember going there in 2004 with Nick? Instead of Grandma riding in the wheelchair, I thought it would be funny for me to ride in the wheelchair.
I miss you so much! Thank you for sending the Monarch butterflies to show me that you are still watching over me. Please continue to watch over me.
Give our loved ones in Heaven a hug from me. Tell them I love them.
Your annoying sister,
As many of you know, I have a monarch butterfly tattoo on my left shoulder. The top of the tattoo has purple dots because that was my sister’s favorite color. One top wing has 2 dots which represents the fact there were 2 of us and she was 2 years younger than me. The other wing has 4 dots which represents the fact that her birthday was on September 4th. Our birthdays were also 4 months apart. I was actually 2 years 4 months older than her.
Why did I get a Monarch butterfly on my shoulder? One year ago on August 28th, Tanya left her Earthly body for her Heavenly body. Every since her death, I’ve seen Monarch butterflies when I’ve needed her.
Today’s post is going to list the special times I’ve seen a Monarch butterfly since August 28th, 2016.
August 30th – We were cleaning out her apartment. I was sitting in my car when a Monarch flew by me.
September 2nd – Right after her funeral, a Monarch flew by my aunt and myself.
September 5th – I was waiting at Young’s Dairy for my family from Pittsburgh. A Monarch flew by me.
Sometime in September – During dismissal duty, another Monarch flew by me and up into the sky.
Last weekend in October – Hubby and I were visiting Louisville to give me time away from all of the pressure I was feeling. It was the 2nd month anniversary of her death. There were a lot of Monarchs flying around purple flowers.
Thanksgiving – This one was truly when I realized it was her. I cried tears in the bathtub in Cabana Bay Beach Resort because I was missing her. Later that day, I was at the entrance of Animal Kingdom. I saw a Monarch butterfly. Then at the Animal Kingdom Lodge, I saw another one by giraffes. She knew I love Disney and giraffes.
August 5th – I finally visited her grave. Later that day, she visited me when I was working at a tent for DeMolay and Rainbow. We are both majority members.
August 20th (Today) – I was missing her. I went to talk to the Imaginative One who was outside. Suddenly a Monarch was flying around the yard. When she came to visit me, she would sit outside on our little patio.
Also in June – I was walking on the beach on the 10th month anniversary of her death. Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder. No one was there. I know it was her telling me “Traci, I’m here with you. I’m walking through life with you.”
Even though I know she is still with me, I still miss her. I often have the urge to call her because I want to talk to her. No one will ever understand the feeling of emptiness that I feel.
During the next week, I’m going to be sharing my feelings as the year anniversary of her death approaches.
Here’s the schedule for this coming week:
Monday – Menu plan Monday
Tuesday – Dealing with Grief Post – Don’t know what yet
Wednesday – New series – My visit to Rochester, New York
Thursday – Writer’s Workshop
Friday – Dealing with Grief Post – Don’t know what yet
Saturday – More of my Folly Beach trip
Sunday – Dealing with Grief Post – Don’t know what yet
Monday – The night my life changed forever
Have a magical day,
5. Tell us about the last time you slept on a couch. Continue reading Early Morning Cuddles
5. You have one wish…what do you wish for?
Almost seven months ago, my sister left this Earth for her Heavenly home. It was sudden. I never got to say good-bye to her.
My wish is that I could spend one more day with her. I would love to tell her how much she is loved. How much I miss her.
During that day, I would do what I am known for – being unpredictable. We would go on a road trip with no real destination. I would take a million billion photos of our adventure. Later I would smile when I would remember that one more day I spent with her.
We would talk about our youth and laugh our butts off. Backstreet Boys or New Kids on the Block would be playing on my radio.
We would call my mom and pretend that some random Hispanic guy or a guy with a bad haircut was calling to ask her on the date.
If I had one wish, I would want more day with my sister. As Trace Adkins sings “You’re Gonna Miss This,” I truly do miss her and the times we spent together.
Have a magical day!
It’s been many months since I’ve written to you. So many things have changed around here. Continue reading Dear Tanya (February 5, 2017)
If I could use one word that I would like to describe 2017, it would actually be two words – Bucket List.
Since I still dealing with the death of my sister and with my mom living with us, Hubby has made it a point to start taking me on dates. We went on a couple during the summer, but nothing to regular. Now he feels as though it is a necessary part of our relationship.Continue reading Date Nights
I’m hit with the question why while dealing with my feelings about losing Tanya.
My father was not a nice man especially when it came to dealing with me and my stubborn streak.
When we lived with my grandma, I was often the one to be in trouble instead of my sister. She was often not impressed with whatever mischief I could get myself into on a daily or weekly basis. I was either grounded or yelled at a lot as a teenager/ young adult because of my behavior. (I still love and miss her.)
Then when I was in college, I was told by two of my professors that I should not be a teacher. They didn’t think I had it in me to be successful.
In all of those situations, I had to overcome the obstacles that stood in my way. Which at times were a lot. I dealt with abuse and being told “you cannot do it.” I had to pay my own college bills so I worked 35 to 40 hours a week at McDonald’s while taking a full class load at school.
With faith in God, I was overcame those obstacles to make me a stronger person.
Tanya was unable to overcome her obstacles. Towards the end of her young life, she shut herself off from the people who loved her the most. We had so much fun when we were younger traveling from place to place, exploring the world. I may have gotten mad at her from time to time because I’m one who wants to experience as much as possible.
We had fun visiting places around where we lived. We had fun exploring the Columbus Zoo with the boys. We would speak to each other on the phone.
But then something changed, the demons she was experiencing in her life overwhelmed her. Instead of allowing people into her life who truly loved her, she began to shut them down. If she had only spoken to our mother about how she was truly feeling, she might still be here.
Why was I able to overcome those obstacles in my life? I could have surely shut myself from the world because for a long I felt as though the world was against me. One thing I know for certain is that it was because of God and for me allowing people into my world. God also sent me a man that has stood by me during those difficult times.
So even tho I feel as the world is against me, I need to remember the words of the song “Overcomer.”
You’re an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You’re not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when He reminds You
That you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer
God has something special planned for me. He wants me to overcome the obstacles that come in my way.
However, I’ve got to question. Why didn’t Tanya overcome her obstacles? Why didn’t she trust the people who loved her the most? Why couldn’t she tell mom how bad she was feeling? Just Why? Those answers wouldn’t be answered. However, they will haunt me. Why? Oh, God, why?
I love you Tanya. I miss you so much. I just wish you could have trusted us enough to tell us that you were not feeling well.
No matter how many curve balls you throw at me, I need to remember to trust in you. You will help me over come adversities that I am facing. You will remind me that Satan cannot win. You will remind me that you have a plan for me. All I need to do is trust in you.
In Jesus name,
Have you ever felt God’s presence in your life? With the tragedy of my sister passing, I feel his presence in my life. He has something big planned for me. And even though I have an inkling of what it might be, I don’t know how it’s going to go down.
One of my dreams is to be a writer. It’s not a dream that I share with people. I’m afraid that my grammar or poor spelling at times will get in the way so I’ve tucked that dream away. I also have a fear that no one would want to read what I have to say. I’ve always had a lot to say. Sometimes people just tune me out because I can ramble on FOREVER.
Then I wrote the letter to Tanya, straight from my heart. I know there was problems with my grammar but everyone got message I was trying to get across.
People are also calling me the historian. I have a lot of memories tucked into my heart and mind. I need to share those stories to the world instead of keeping them locked away. One day I won’t be here to share them anymore. My words will live on if I write them down.
As I said, I know God has big plans for me. What they are and how they work themselves out is unwritten. It’s up to me to trust in him to lead him down that path.
It’s been said to collect moments, not things. I have both. Some of the things I have are memories of moments that I have collected along my journey of life.
Jesus and God have heard my struggle through this difficult time.
As Robert Frost wrote
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by,And that has made all the difference.