Warning:  This blog post is going to be raw and real.  It’s difficult for me to type up but necessary.

Some of the details are going to be a little blurry.

August 28, 2016 was a regular Sunday.  I had church in the morning.  Then we were going to eat dinner at my mother-in-law’s house.  I had cooked balsamic pork roast for our dinner.  After dinner, the boys and I were going to go to see a Weird Al concert.  The Wee One had been to his first concert.  This was going to be the Imaginative One’s first concert.

My phone rang.  When I saw it was my mom, I decided to wait to call her back since we were going to sit down and eat.  Then my phone rang for a second time.  It was her.  I knew it must be important since she immediately called me for a second time.

I answered it.  That’s when she told me that Tanya had died.  I remember walking into my mother-in-law’s family room and sinking into her maroon chair after getting off the phone.  My body was numb and I might have yelled No.  No.  Hubby ran into the living room to comfort me as I tried to say the words that Tanya had died.

I was so numb.

My niece walked in from a Christian concert so bubbly and talking a mile a minute.  I remember someone telling her that what had happened.

I remember sitting on my mother-in-law’s rocking couch calling my best friend, Angie, to tell her that Tanya had died.  Then I went outside to the front area of the house to call my friend Molly.  While I was on the phone, the police from where my mother and sister lived called me.  They told me to get over to my mother’s house as soon as possible.

I remember sitting down and attempting to eat some of the dinner I cooked but not being able to.  I know I took a roll with me since I had to drive to their town.

Before I left, I wrote a vague Facebook update asking for prayers.  I didn’t want to put it out that Tanya had died until I got a hold of my aunt.

I took the longest way possible to my mom’s house.  It should have taken 45 minutes at the most.  Instead it took me close to an hour or longer to get there.

One of my co-workers kept in contact with me to make sure I had support while I was driving to my mom’s.

Once I got there, my mom looked as though she had aged 20 years.  She seemed so frail and fragile.  It was so sad.

(There is more to the story from the time I was at her apartment.  I don’t want to share it now.  Maybe I will share the rest of the story later.)

Mom was going to go home with me and stay with me until we could get her a new place that was closer to my house.

We went and got gas from the local Speedway.  I called my mother-in-law when I went inside to go to the bathroom.  She went to get some new clothes for my mom to make sure she was comfortable after the events from the day.

We drove home.  Suddenly I noticed rain clouds so we got off the highway and drove the side streets the rest of the way.  We needed to stop twice because it was raining so hard that I could not see the road.  In my grief stricken mood, I should not be driving when it was raining so hard.

After we stopped the second time, we drove through Wright State University’s campus.  I remember seeing a doe while we were stopped at the stop sign.

Finally we got home.  My mother-in-law showed up with the clothes.  Mom took a bath.

I walked into my garage and tried to call my aunt.  I was finally able to get a hold of her.  She made plans to come to Ohio to help support us.

I never ate that roll.  My blood sugar ended up tanking out in the middle of the night.

That night began the daily can’t sleep all night for the majority of the month of September.  I had to sleep with my stuffed Pumbaa from the Disney College Programs so that I could get any sleep.

My life changed that night.  For almost 39 years, I was a big sister.  Now I am an only child.

Tanya now visits me as a Monarch butterfly instead of me calling her on the phone.  I will forever miss her.

Dear God,

Please grant me peace as I remember Tanya’s life on Monday.  Grant me peace when I go and celebrate her 40th birthday next week.

In Jesus’ name,
Traci

Traci

P.S.  The boys did go to the concert.  In my haze, I got a hold of one of their friends.  We offered my ticket to him for free.  It ended up being his 14th birthday present from us.  He became a Weird Al fan after the concert.